Question about dating a non-Christian...

This was too good NOT to pass along to all of you.

 

Parents & Teens - please take a moment to print out this email and read it through entirely.  Frank and I continually pray for each one of you that you will set some solid boundaries in your dating life...but, more often than not, you end up "falling" for that non-Christian guy or gal.  I really believe the folks at Planet Wisdom are spot on with how they answered this gal's question.

 

Also, parents, Planet Wisdom has a website JUST FOR YOU!  Check out: http://www.realworldparents.com/

 

AND...once again, we want to invite ALL parents to consider joining us for the upcoming Planet Wisdom conference on March 20-21, 2009.  If fact, our ticket cost is about $45/person...and we feel so strongly about you going that we'd like to offer a $10 discount to any parent who wants to come!  AND, if both parents come, one gets in for free!!!  You just HAVE to RSVP to me by Sunday, March 15, 2009 if you plan to attend.

 

Here's the article from the Planet Wisdom site:

 

Dear PW, I'm in love with an unbeliever. Help!

I've really been struggling with something going on in my life recently. Maybe you can help me. I'm 18 years old (girl) and there has been a guy in my life for the past several years. I've grown to love him and have been in many on/off relationships with him in the past. The reason the relationship has never been constant is because he is not a christian...which always presents a problem. It's hard because he's not a bad person. He just simply says that he doesn't believe in God because it's how his brain works. He believes that an actual God doesn't exist and that certain things are just "representations" of a God-like figure and that everything is just coincidence. Confusing? Yeah..I know how you feel ;]

This is really difficult because, for one, I love him very much, and I can even see myself wanting to marry this guy..but...I can't be in a relationship that isn't working towards the Lord.

It seems like a stupid question, but...if you had to, for lack of a better word, "convince" someone that God exists...what would you tell them? I have a difficult time trying to explain that what I live for is a relationship, not simply religion. - "Hannah"

PlanetWisdom's Response:

Hey "Hannah",

It sounds to me like you have two issues that you are dealing with, one of which is much harder than the other. Let's start with the easy one.

If I had to "convince" someone that God exists, what would I tell them?

Well, I personally point to the fact that everything that humankind has ever discovered is finite, limited, and entropic (dying, for lack of a better word). Yet the fact that there are still things in existence says that everything must have had a beginning. In other words, if the universe is infinitely old, but stuff only lasts for a finite time, there wouldn't be anything left. The universe would have already run down. And we know that nothing that we know of ever comes into existence on its own, which seems to point to an eternal unknown. A god. A designer. Something.

But that is not enough, is it? Sure it is enough to convince someone that there is something higher than us, that there is something else out there. But that is not what you want. You want to convince this guy that Jesus is the Christ, the Messiah. That Jesus is God in human skin, who came down from heaven to restore humanity's relationship with God, if we are willing. That is not a message that we can "convince" someone of. You can convince him that Jesus was a real person and even that He was crucified. If you want help on that, check out some of Sean McDowell 's books or Smart Faith: Loving Your God With All Your Mind from Mark Matlock. That is a good start.

But the message of Christianity is that Jesus was the Son of God who died and rose again! Paul put it best in 1 Corinthians 1:22-23 when he wrote "God's way seems foolish to the Jews because they want a sign from heaven to prove it is true. And it is foolish to the Greeks because they believe only what agrees with their own wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended, and the Gentiles say it is all nonsense." You cannot convince someone of "nonsense".

But all is not lost, or else none of us would be Christians! Listen to what Paul says in 2 Corinthians "We have depended on God's grace, not on earthly wisdom. ... It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success comes from God. ... We are Christ's representatives, and God is using us to speak to you! We urge you, as though Christ himself were here pleading with you, 'Be reconciled to God.'" You will never convince this guy that Christ is God. But Christ as Lord and Savior, that is a different story. God will use you and your life to speak the truth of Christ to all the people you come into contact. So, YOU, living the truth and living in the love of Christ, with God Himself living inside of you, are the best "apologetic" for Christ's death and resurrection that there is.

That brings me to the more serious and much harder problem. You are in an on/off relationship with an unbeliever. I'm sure you know that God has said in 1 Corinthians 6:14 "Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil?" Remember that you are a temple of God. "What union can there be between God's temple and idols?" So, deep down, you aren't really trusting God, are you? You are trusting your feelings. God says that it is better not to date non-Christians, but your feelings say that it is better to date this guy. You trusted your feelings. And that is totally understandable. All of us as Christians are dealing with distrusting God in some areas of our life. This relationship is one of your areas. Let me ask you this. If God is using you to speak to unbelievers, what is this guy seeing about your God and about faith? Who does this guy think is more important to you: God or him? Is he seeing your deep trust in God to provide you with a Christian boyfriend/husband? Is there anything that you think that you need to change so that he can see Christ more clearly?

You love this guy and that is great, in a way. Love him, but ditch the romance. Or at least put it on the shelf. Why? Because that is what faith is. It is doing something that seems ridiculous because you trust God more than yourself. Even though it is a big step to commit to not dating a non-Christian ever (not even the hottest of celebrity hotties!), it is the right thing to do. God is perfectly good and perfectly faithful. He knows much better than we what is right. And He has said "NO" very clearly. Remember, "what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will give us later." Romans 8:18

So love this guy, but love him like an unbeliever. And love him straight to Jesus, if he chooses that way. God will give you the strength and spiritual wisdom you need, if you search for it. I'll be praying for you.

Questions:

1.    How would YOU reply to "Hannah"?

2.    What questions would you ask about the situation?

3.    Do you need more information to give good advice?

4.    Does the Bible say anything about this type of situation?

5.    What do you think "Hannah" is doing right? What is she doing wrong?