What Happens in the Dark
Someone once said, "Your character is who you are alone in the dark."
As I've been asking prayer for a college friend of mine, my thoughts drift back to January 2009 and mom. I won't even imagine losing Frank, so as I try to pray for and identify with my college friend's wife going through the uncertainty of David's heart attack, seizure and road to recovery, I think about what brought me comfort during my mom's diagnosis, hospice care and death due to her brain tumor.
I distinctly remember getting the call at work to come over to St. Jospeh's Hospital as the dreaded "C" word (cancer) is spoken over the phone. In reality, the walk from my office to my mom's hospital room is closer than the walk from the sidewalk in front of our church to the furthest point in the back parking lot. Faces of patients, coworkers, etc., were a blur to me. I don't believe I thought at all. I don't recall praying. I do recall feeling numb with shock. Nothing really prepares you for a diagnosis of "inoperable brain cancer."
As I walk into mom's hospital room, familiar faces try smiling at me. Dad tries to explain what's going on. He crumbles into sobs. This annoys me. Someone hugs me and I start to cry. Quickly, I pull away and apologize, "I can't do this right now (the crying)." Then I look at my mom, who, for all accounts and purposes, seems pretty happy and oblivious to what is going on. She thinks she's there due to a recent fall. Ah, her short term memory is affected. She doesn't know what is going on. Needing reliable information, I ask for the neurologist. A few agonizing moments pass before the expert arrives. We step into the hallway. I'm in automatic. I'm listening and absorbing all the technical terms. I catch, "need to biopsy the mass." "Won't know till we analyze the biopsy." "Two areas in her brain. One deep. One near her right temporal lobe on the surface. Easier to biopsy there without affecting brain function. Size of a golfball." I remember thinking, golfballs don't belong in the brain. Silly. Fast-foward a few days. Mom has inoperable brain cancer and is being moved into hospice at Town & Country.
From the time mom was diagnosed to her passing, we had exactly 30 days. I believe it took me about 1-2 days before I actually prayed. And, the first time I cried out to God was in the dark after everyone was asleep. What happened there set the tone for the remaining 28 days with my mom. I know the first few minutes were garbled sobs with staccatoed "Oh Father, help...help me" escaping from my heart and over my lips.
All my Christian life, I've known God, His Word and my relationship with Him. In those desperate moments, Who I thought God was/is and what I believe to be true about Him, coalesced into a defining moment at this point in my life. It would make the difference between being angry & bitter or thankful & joyful.
I remember saying, "God, I know I'm supposed to praise You for this, even this. I need You to help me do that." And then, I praised Him for my mom's brain cancer. I praised Him for being there with me in the dark while the world I knew slept. There was a sweet peace which followed and allowed me to sleep. This peace carried me through all the details surrounding the next 28 days with my mom. Sure, I was still an emotional basket case at times. Trusting God doesn't mean you don't feel the human, emotional pain of losing somone.
Bottom line, God is God. Our circumstances don't change Who God is. But, God certainly uses our circumstances to change us for His glory, honor and praise. And, knowing God, trusting God and believing God will determine our praise of Him, at all times, but especially in the dark places and times in our lives.
Can you praise Him in the dark? Do you praise Him in private, when only He is smelling the aroma of your praise offering to Him? That's what today's devo is all about: praising God.
Looking For Work? Ever Considered This Job?
Myself posted by Paula Hendricks on 08/24/11
Did you work a summer job this year? Are you looking for one now? I know this probably isn't what you had in mind, but did you know that GOD is looking for workers? Well . . . worshipers, actually!
"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks" (Jesus, John 4:23, emphasis added).
Isn't that incredible?! God's looking for worshipers! How are you doing at worshiping the LORD God Almighty? Would He "hire" you?
A couple weeks ago, Shannon O'Dell spoke to our staff. He said he bought a car with a sunroof just so he could worship God while he was driving, with one hand on the wheel and the other one out the roof. (Please don't tell your mom I encouraged you to do this—she might kill me!)
Shannon said we shouldn't be worshiping God in public if we're not first doing it in private. (Have you ever thought about raising your hands in worship in your bedroom? When you're watching a sunset on the beach? When your world's just fallen apart?)
Two weeks ago, when our staff met for a week to seriously seek God, I purposefully chose a seat on the front row, on the far right side of the room. Not because I wanted to show off. It was because I knew myself well enough to know that if I were anywhere else in the room, I'd be distracted by what others were or weren't doing by my (unrighteous) judgments of their worship and by fear of what they thought of my worship. Standing up front meant I couldn't see them, and I felt the freedom to raise my arms in worship, to kneel in worship, to "prostrate myself" before God on my face.
Girls, let's get serious about worshiping King Jesus. After all, it's why we were created—to make much of HIM! Do what it takes to worship Him freely, even if it means moving from the back of the room to the front of the room. And let's not forget to practice—in public, but first in private!
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