A Violent Break up…Divorce…Suicide

Last night Frank hit the nail on the head of what we are feeling. This feels like a divorce. At times it also feels like a relationship break up. At other times, death, suicide.

I remember a vivid illustration Caren Frost gave at a Women's Retreat some years ago. She had glued two wooden Popsicle sticks together and explained when two people get married, they become one. When divorce takes place, and she proceeded to pull the two sticks apart, neither person is left whole ever again. Parts of one stick still stuck to the other stick, and they were definitely separate, but they were forever changed and damaged as a result of the ripping apart. Jameson's leaving feels like a divorce from our Youth Group, our church.

Jameson's reasons for leaving our Youth Group and church are only valid to him. He has no Biblical reason for leaving. Francisco's question to Frank echoes in my heart, "was there something I could have done differently, or should have done, to help Jameson not leave?" Another said, "I didn't even get to say goodbye, and now he won't take my calls." Like the person being broken up with, we all think we did something wrong or could've done something differently. We want to know why? We want to know what is wrong with us? And, no matter how much we beg, plead and try to talk things through, the person doing the leaving has already (emotionally and mentally) left so long ago that there is no more time to reason, discuss or remedy. All the tears, emotional pleadings and hopeful discussions fall on harden hearts bent upon leaving.

Frank and I have experienced divorce. In Frank's case, things seemed to be going okay, then out of the blue, he comes home and everything and everyone is gone. He didn't even see it coming. Much like Jameson abruptly leaving our church/group.

Youth Group was very different last night. However, in my heart, I feel as if a cancer has been excised from the group. To me, it seemed everyone was there because they wanted to be there. It was exciting to have a Youth Group that was actively interested in the lesson and asking really good, inquisitive questions. Yes, there was sadness at the absence of so many: Jameson, Logan, Danielle, Leah, Jamie, Justin P., to name a few. Interestingly, we can tell/sense the difference between those who want to be there and cannot, like: Vicki, Justin W., Sarah, Katie, to also name a few. Regardless of why someone cannot or will not be there, they are still deeply missed.

Jesus said God allowed divorce because of the hardness of men's hearts. Hardness in that the wronged person wouldn't forgive their spouse for infidelity and wouldn't seek to reconcile. Once a hardness of heart has congealed, only God can break it, soften it and make it pliable once again for repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation.

Jameson, like others who have left our church for non-biblical reasons, has a hard heart. He has told me one thing, Frank another and now has his dad believing something entirely different. However, his dad believes what Jameson has told him. Frank and I are his parents and his youth leaders. He doesn't like that and wants to get away from that. He wants to go somewhere where we are not there.

That is the story. However, I believe it goes much deeper than that. He has a hard, rebellious heart. We represent everything he doesn't want to be a part of, which is a relationship with Jesus Christ. We represent accountability.

He keeps telling his dad "he just wants to be a teenager." The problem is, he IS a teenager. And, what he really is saying isn't about being a teenager, it is about not wanting to be accountable and also living his life according to his own desires.

Being a Christian teenager doesn't excuse you, during that "teen" period of your life, from living the way God asks all ages of Christians to live: a life set apart.

Like so many of us when we harden our hearts, Jameson is pursuing only his selfish desires. He thinks he is an island unto himself and has no effect upon others. If he understands, he does not care about the impact his actions are causing.

Is it any wonder Paul uses the analogy of the body when he refers to the church? Is it any wonder it hurts so much, this leaving of Jameson? It is like we woke up one day and have gone blind in one eye, or deaf in one ear, or had a lung collapse.

Oh God, Holy Almighty, Creator of the universe! Please bring the healing we so desperately need. Please help me to see all of this from Your perspective. Jameson belongs to You. Please wrap the warm arms of Your Holy Spirit around his frozen heart. Only You can bring healing, reconciliation…make things right. Please heavenly Father, bring a sweet unity to our Youth Group. Please guard the hearts of those who faithfully remain. May You be glorified in this and may we all be drawn closer, deeper, stronger in our relationships with You and with each other. Help us, Father, to show Your love to each other.

Please Lord, wrap Your arms of love and comfort around the hearts and minds of my cousins, Gary and Sharon Garrison. I am devastated by the Spiritual loss of my son, I cannot imagine how I would be had he committed suicide like my 2nd cousin, Melody did yesterday. For the two children and husband she leaves behind, Oh Lord, draw them to You Father. Help them Lord, look to You and You alone. Help them to bring the confusion, hurt, anger, unasked questions which can never be answered this side of the grave, to You. And, Father God, if they do not know You, I pray they will be saved…if that is Your will.

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Comforter, Mighty Counselor, I seek Your will in all these things. Not my ways, not my understandings, not my own devices or self-sufficiencies, not my will, but as You will.

I love You, Lord. I thank You for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank You for my Godly husband. Thank You for blessing me with every good thing. Thank You for the joy I have, even through deeply felt heartache. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus Christ. Thank You for choosing me and for being my King. To You be all the honor, glory and praise…forever and ever, amen.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."
Psalm 19:14