Doubt...

I feel a lot like Peter right now.  NOT the Peter who stepped out onto the water to walk to His Lord, but the Peter who looked away from Jesus and onto the crashing waves around him, thereby sinking quickly.

 

I confess I am struggling right now.  My body is acting like an alien hormone cohort has waged war upon my psyche....nerves...emotions....muscles...and skin.  And that battle colors everything else going on in life around me. 

 

I watch with deep, helpless alarm as my dad seems to fade in his memories and abilities right before my eyes.  It is like the dad I knew is slowly vacating the dad who remains.  It terrifies me.

 

Oh, and, I've caught some bug going around...to boot! Woe is me. Poor Mary. Whine, whine, whine.   

 

I used to be the "hide in a corner, immerse myself in a book for escape and avoid everyone for a while until my mental storm blew over."  In my pride, I thought I had the right medicine to assuage the deep despair of doubt, fear and "other-ness" I was feeling: avoidance.  Take it from one who knows, avoidance heals nothing.  It leaves you cold, alone and despairing in a deep pit of selfishness.  And, it hurts deeply.

 

When I was a child I'd climb trees, dig in the mud and roll down grassy hills.  Perhaps I was a girlie-tom-boy as Barbie would often accompany me on these outdoor adventures in dirt.  On one such occasion, tree sap dripped onto my head.  I tried to rub it out.  However, the more I rubbed, the more embedded it became on my scalp and in my hair folicles (of which I had more than most, as I was a tow-headed blondie back then - nod to Pastor Phil's sermon a few weeks ago).

 

Every day, Mom would draw a bath for me, but I was old enough to be left unattended to wash, shampoo my hair, etc.  Except, I didn't do as thorough a job as Mom would've done.  So, it was probably a week or two before she discovered the growth on my scalp.  She'd usually brush my hair for me, but I'd been avoiding her and doing my own hair brushing/styling.  Lopsided ponytails eventually grabbed my mother's attention.  To her horror and my pain, she discovered the sticky, hardened mass (which was about the size of a pecan praline, according to my Mom).  After much yanking, cutting away of hair and scraping, I was freed from the gooey growth of hair, dirt, sap and miscellaneous debris.

 

"If you'd told me about this right away, it wouldn't have gotten this bad," Mom would scold me.

 

Then I was just a silly, tow-headed child.  At times, I still act like that child.  And, so do many of you.  Pride assures us we can handle whatever is going on, on our own.  We don't cry out to God.  And, we don't share our struggles with other Christians.  We try the lone wolf approach...and fail. Utterly.

 

To find comfort and solace, I've been reading through Psalms.  King David, and others, inspired by the Holy Spirit, do an incredible job of relating metaphorically with fear, despair, loneliness, etc.  David always cries out to God, his Rock and Salvation, Redeemer and Friend.  Even David wanted to run away at times - check out Psalm 55!  Regardless of what was going on around him, David concludes:

 

Psalm 55:22 - Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

 

I Peter 5:5-7 reminds us to humble ourselves before God and to cast all our worries upon Him, because He cares for us.

 

Many times, sharing your burden with another stronger Christian helps as well.  Which is exactly what I did yesterday with Debbie.  I emailed her a cry for prayer as I wander through this valley of doubt, fear and struggle in my faith and with my circumstances.  And, as a true, cherished friend, she had compassionate words of hope and understanding, and gently pointed me to our Refuge and Help in a time of trouble, our Abba.  My burden was lighter!

 

Whatever is going on in your life, where-ever you are in your struggle called the Christian life, don't try to go it alone.  Are you doubting God?  Are you stuggling in your faith?  Are you afraid?  Are you overwhelmed?  Cry out to God! Blurt out all that is festering in your soul.  Share your struggles with a stronger Christian friend who can encourage you with Truth and not empty, worldly epithets.

 

This article from "Lies Young Women Believe..." was just for me today! :o)  (Maybe it was for you too!).  Read on. Be encouraged.  And, if you'd pray for me, I'd appreciate it.  Do you need prayer too?  Let me know.

Is doubting God a sin?

Faith posted by Erin Davis on 04/05/11

Definition of doubt: 

1. To lack confidence in
2. To consider unlikely
3. To be uncertain

Many of you have commented lately that you are wrestling with feelings of doubt and discouragement in the area of faith. Some of you mention doubt casually as if it's a companion you've always known. Others of you seem practically panicked when doubts hit you as if your faith has always been rock solid and your doubts about God have caught you off guard.

We're going to be talking about doubt all week on the blog. It's an important subject, and one that requires us to look through the biblical framework rather than our emotions. One of the most important questions to consider when it comes to doubt is, "Is doubt a sin?" Let's see how God's Word answers that question.

We get a clue about God's attitude toward doubt when we take a look at how He responded to doubters during His time on earth. Pay close attention to these passages. Notice how Jesus consistently responds to followers struggling with doubt.

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matt. 14:28–31).

God didn't let Peter drown simply because he had a moment of doubt. He reached down, pulled him up, and then called him out for his weak faith. Jesus didn't specifically label Peter's doubt a sin here, so does that mean that doubting is okay with Him? Let's keep reading.

In Luke 24:36–39, Jesus appeared to His disciples after the Resurrection. Were they wrestling with doubt? You betcha! Even though He had promised them He would rise again, they doubted the promise and had a hard time accepting the truth even when He stood right in front of them. Check it out:

While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you."

They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have."

He didn't yell at them for doubting. He didn't stomp out and take His resurrected body elsewhere. Instead He took the time to help them see why they could be confident that He was who He said He was and that He had done exactly what He promised to do. Check out verses 40–43:

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, "Do you have anything here to eat?" They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate it in their presence.

Do you think Jesus was really hungry? I doubt it. He'd been feasting at the banquet tables in heaven for three days before this happened. But He knew what was in the hearts of His followers. He knew they were doubting that He was really there in the flesh, so He ate some fish. He tenderly took the time to give them reasons to doubt Him less and trust Him more.

We will look at a few more encounters that Jesus had with doubters tomorrow. But for now, I think it's important to note that Jesus didn't equate doubt with sin. That doesn't mean He likes it. He called the doubters out in theses passages. But if you are having feelings of doubt, you can feel safe running toward Jesus for answers instead of away from Him because you think He will be disappointed in you.

And you don't have to have all of your doubts eliminated before God can use you. In Matthew 28:16–19, Jesus is with 11 of His disciples. Verse 17 tells us that some of them doubted He was the real deal. He certainly knew their doubt, and yet He proceeded to give them the Great Commission. If we look at how Jesus responded to doubt, we see that He never says, "Resolve your doubts before you do what I'm asking you to do." Instead He gives the disciples permission to take their doubts with them as they go. He makes us the same offer.

Here's one more passage that helps us understand God's attitude toward doubt.

Jude 1:22 simply says, "Be merciful to those who doubt."

How does the Bible command us to respond to doubt in other's hearts? With mercy. We can be confident that God will respond to our doubt in the same way.

If you're a doubter, I hope you are encouraged that God's shoulders are big enough to handle your questions. Having doubts is not a sin. But allowing those doubts to hinder your walk with Christ isn't the answer. And using doubts as an excuse to break God's commands is never okay.

We'll keep talking about doubt here on the blog. In the meantime, I want to hear from you. What has God taught you today that makes you want to trust Him more and doubt Him less?

--
Mary E.Hickcox
www.CalvaryBaptistSM.org
http://mary-neotes.blogspot.com/